Fallacy of social life

A person wants to be honest.he wants to shoot straight. Only straight.

That person as much as he is doing the right thing plays a game against that of others or he cant play at all. He just shoots.

Thats what a glorious culture endows upon its people.

Leaving the cynical note the godfather said the right thing. Keep ur eyes open n mouth shut.

Be a camera but never fvckin flash. Never ever bro.

What abt sisters? I have the wounds but where r them, sisters?

Events

If i never had quartz based time and events marked my life as they anyway did,

1.Jaundice at 4 years
2.Measles/boils/burns at 6 years of age
3.Madras in 1993,the house at kodambakkam
4.Homesickness in school and playing with Prakash in Kodambakkam
5.Amma's hysrectomy in 1996
6.Appa's fraud trouble in Gill Nagar,1998
7.NCC Camp/The Bangalan/58 in Mathematics & Timepass
8.House at West Mambalam-Class X/AMTI/etc etc
9.CBSE over State Board and associated trouble
10. IIT Coaching and domestic trouble for 2 years,very good Maths and very poor Physics
11. yearning for a GF/relationship-silly stupid socially manufactured cravings
12.2691 AIR,Appa and me at war,cold war no talk
13.2006-Graduate as a really exhausted worn out guy
14.2007-Get into IIMI very very exhausted mentally/physically
15.2009- Getting out totally cynical/high and crazy but fitter.
16.2009-11,very crazy part of life,craziest,insecure,vulnerable,poor,sick.
17.2011-13-More learning,very excellent period,salvaged my pride n life.
18.2014- what to do now? wise n smarter from the past but what now?

The Flux called Perception

Perception is the word in social circles,something i always ignored.i never liked an image,i took on anything that i fitted into.

Till 12td std,i lived at home,hung out with a few folks and perception was a non entity,just a scale which was fixed to the ground.But later as i went to college and lived amongst people i met for the first time,i realized that perception could be a killer.people judge and very quick.

Your perception is what you are,even if u r not that.It is not a flux but a picture or image that stands in their mind.such is the mediocrity of lesser minds that their ego fights open criticism with a defensive perception n word of mouth war.

Perception is a flux,i have a certain mood and a certain mindset and i meet someone,discuss something and a sensitive person attaches too much importance to a worldly opinion or fact.they dont see it as the flux that it is,when people try to impose things on u but u dont react to it,they grow tired of trying.

it takes real mental control n ability to play the perceptive facade like a flux,people ll even call u crazy because u r pulling them across many directions and topics but the idiots never realize that the inertia they display in such occasions merely points out their lack of momentum in thoughts and thus action too.

so my brave prah log,play it dynamic like a flux,just dont get stuck.

Right now

Right Now

I feel very unhappy and disgruntled.I have achieved nothing in life.I feel like i have wasted all the opportunities. somehow whenever the paths became clear,i could never convince myself to make a choice,always choosing and failing to make the choice.

Nothing matters to me in this world.feel unhappy everywhere and even here.I look back at my life and often look into my head,whats wrong with my head? my dreamy personality,that doesn't let me feel the feet on the ground,escapism that makes me put my head into the sand as i face trouble,what about social life and the politics associated,why there is a dire need of social life,why there is this naive quality of trusting people,even after having fallen down and hurt myself.there is a lack of sensitivity,lack of anger,lack of fire.

so much pent up anger,i feel like an inferno inside,ready to implode.and my parents,god knows who made me in this family? i feel so disconnected with my whole existence.

All i have is some fire and it keeps burning,red hot flame as it shows when an ironsmith hammers down the metal,the burning sledge is my stomach.the energy comes from the fire and how it keeps burning.

burning burning burning into a burning ring of fire.